As I sit here gazing downward into my EluminX keyboard, I've been starting to think about how much things have changed over the last month or so. I moved out of the house I grew up in... a house I really liked a lot. Took a drive to Florida to move my Mom, only to have the whole thing turn into a nightmare and she is now back. Which is not a bad thing, I love my Mom and want to have her close, but the whole experience was not good. I think it brought us closer together though. ... I often think about how great it would be to have my own place. Just a small apartment is all I need. A nice little place that I can come home to and do nothing, grab a beer and play some music. At the same time, I've always feared living alone. Not for any of the reasons that one might think, like being homesick, or not knowing how to cook or clean. I can clean (when I want to), and I can definitely cook, so it's not that. I just fear that I will have a bad day, hour, or minute, and choose to not get out of bed the next morning. And maybe not the next day, either. It will snowball into a week, then into two weeks, and then I'll be fired, if not sooner. ... I've always tried to figure out what my motivation is for getting up in the morning. I suppose it's my job, but in the morning nothing seems to make sense. 15 more minutes of sleep always sounds so good at 7 AM. Motivation is something I need, and when I seriously think about it, I don't have anything to look forward to that warrants my waking up. Sure, I'd be missed at work because everyone would be in trouble without the geek around, but that's not enough for me. This may sound selfish and childish and maybe some other adjectives that end in -ish, but I need to matter. What I mean is, I need to be important. I want someone to care about me. OK, here's the weird part. I know there are people out there who care about me. My parents love me, I have friends that care about me, and there is an entire law firm that cares about me (if they can't get their work done because the computers are fucking up). You might think that this is enough, that I shouldn't need any more love. That is simply not true. You see, I've taken all these things for granted throughout my life. I know there are people out there whose parents hate them, and there are people with no friends, etc. For the brief periods of time in my life in which it seemed that I mattered to someone other than those mentioned above, I was at my happiest. I can't explain how the work days would go by so much faster, how my self-confidence and self-esteem were boosted through the roof. ... Thinking like this for a while clears my head. It makes me realize how good my life is, even though sometimes I really do hate it and want to die. I see so many people every day that are much worse off than I am, and it sets me straight I guess. Anyway, I suppose I'm looking forward to hockey on Friday... and even closer than that, my fantasy football draft Thursday night at 8. It's my second year in a three-year keeper league on ESPN.com. I don't remember who I got to keep from last season, but I know it's three good players. I'm curious to see how high Mike Vick gets picked, considering he'll be out until at least Week 4. Oh wait, somebody probably already has Vick from last year. Unless they let him loose, which would have been stupid. ... OK, I have to go, I've written enough.

Hey, nobody is commenting. Fuckers... there, I used the F word too, just like all my crazy friends. I'll get to linking you all as soon as I can. So anyway, there is a rumor going around that I am taking three girls to a party on Saturday night. This may or may not be true. It may in fact turn out to be more like 4 or 5. Hopefully though, it will stay at 3 or below. Another thing... I'm not planning on hooking up with all three or four or five. Just one will suffice in this case. And not just any one of the three, someone specific. ... Hey Den, maybe I'll find out if your fake nails theory is correct. Maybe you will actually post that back on your site. ... Anyway, back to work.

If you are reading the August 14 post about the comments, and you are wondering where the links are... the Enetation site has been down periodically, and when it is down you should receive a shitload of run-time errors and the links will not be displayed on the page. So check back later.

NP: G Love & Special Sauce - Cold Beverage

Hey yo, I'm feelin' kinda thirsty... Heh, you gotta love the G-Man. Anyway, I've just been sitting here on this boring Saturday night thinking about what the upcoming months have to offer, and here's what I came up with...

1. Dave Matthews Band in concert - I'm actually going to both shows, Friday and Saturday nights, September 5 and 6. I'm not sure who is going to join me for the Friday show, but the Saturday show has been booked. My girl friend (2 words) Rosie is going to go with me, and if she backs out between now and then, whoever wants the tickets can have them. I got some seating area tickets for that show, and since I got them through the Warehouse, I don't even know exactly where I'm sitting. Could be 3rd row, could be last row. But at least they are not lawn tickets. I have lawn tickets for the Friday show, so by Saturday night, my legs should be hurting pretty good from the night before. I'm sure a review of the concert / night will be appearing on this site soon after.

2. Dave Mathews Solo Album - I think it comes out September 23, but I'm not sure. I don't why, but when I heard about a solo Dave album I immediately thought "acoustic Dave". I guess it's because when I've heard his solo shows they have all been acoustic. But it seems that he is going to be working with a lot of different musicians, including Tim Reynolds of course, so I'm not really sure what to expect. And I think that's the part I don't understand. Why work on a solo album with other musicians in the studio, instead of by yourself? If you want to work with other musicians, why not just use the band you already have? Does this not make sense? But I still can't wait to hear it.

3. Fall - Call it what you want; Fall or Autumn is probably my favorite season. The temperature starts to drop and we get those beautiful 65 degree afternoons... football season (real and fantasy) is gaining momentum as the meaningless preseason games are out of the way... I can wear more clothes (sorry, but by the end of the summer, I can't stand t-shirts and shorts all the time)... the National League pennant race actually involves the Phils this season, so the final month should be incredible... and who knows, maybe there is some playoff action in the cards?... Then of course, hockey season will be starting back up, and there is a chance I'll be helping out with the old Drexel team this season. I can't wait for fall.

4. I don't know, I can't think of anything else.

So there you have it. My guide to the upcoming months. After reading this, I hope you now understand that I take pleasure in the simple things in life, like football, porno, and books about war. No wait, that's a Denis Leary song... What I meant to say is that I take pleasure in the simple things in life, like concerts, good weather, and Philly sports. And I hope that in reading this you've become a better person, that in some way I have enhanced your will to live, and you will now spread the word to others about this great site. ... Or, maybe you will simply giggle inaudibly, smirk, and then check your e-mail before going to bed. Yeah, that's probably more like it. ;-)