... to delete, press 7. To save, press 9. To kill yourself, press #. ... I guess you had to be there. I fear the future. That can never be good.

*Still* working on the invention I mentioned in my last post. Of course that post was written like 7,000 years ago, but I haven't had much time lately. Ah, so what I really want to say is that I really need to write stuff to get it off my mind, or at least put in down "on paper" in some tangible form. But I'm not sure this is the forum for my thoughts. I don't think I'm blog material. Meaning that I don't think I want people to read what I have to write. Ultimately I do, but when realistically faced with the prospect of my friends (the only people who read my blog for the most part) reading my innermost thoughts - the ones I have only written here but once or twice - I have a hard time writing what I really feel. Which leads to an inferior blog experience for the readers, and anything I write will seem watered down. It would become sort of an edited blog, with all the good parts left out. If I need to write my thoughts down, I think I'm going to go with the good old pre 90s version... the handwritten journal. That will be like My Brain - The Director's Cut, while my blog is kind of like the PG-13 version. Sorry if I broke your heart... but it is my turn.

I'm still working on the prototype for my new invention, tentatively named the brain to blog adapter. Until then, this is all I can write. Bye.

These days
I may not be so happy, after all
After all that I have gained
I still feel sad when I'm all alone

I may have felt that gap decay
I may not be so swift after all
All the chances you have given me
I just let you go

These days
I may not be so happy, after all
After all that I have gained
I still feel sad when I'm all alone

I guess I've been like this before
Sometimes I can't stand up and be a man
But God why would I lose it now
When I need my strength at hand

You know sometimes I can be real cool
All the words just seem to flow right along
But when that girl approaches me
Well it all goes wrong

These days leave me hopelessly
I wish these days would end
Oh please end

These days I may not be so happy, after all
After all that I have gained
I still feel sad when I'm all alone

These days I may not be so happy, after all
After all the chances given me
I just let you go... let you go

- Words by Matt Sharp.

I hate waiting. To be more specific, I hate waiting for someone to show up at my house to pick me up. Or waiting for a tow truck to show up. Or waiting for someone to call me on the phone. As I sit here drinking girl wine (no flames please... the advertisements and commercials clearly target affluent females), which is not working at all, I am also waiting for a call. I am going to finish this huge bottle of girl wine and not even have a buzz. God damn girl wine... I need some Black Label or rum or something. Even beer would be a welcome beverage right now. My brain is starting to swell because I've been thinking way too much over the past week or so. I need to induce a brain dump, but this is all I could manage. Perhaps this girl wine combined with nerves will induce some vomiting, and that in turn will induce some sleep. ... Reason to be positive - tomorrow is Thursday already. ... Reason to not be positive (aka negative) - everything else.

Haven't felt the way

I feel today

In so long

It's hard for me to specify



A little help from Brandon Boyd. Way better than my last post.

I feel good today, so I figured it was time for a rarer than rare happy post. I'm just really not sure what to say. I will say that I'm going to the Incubus concert tonight, and I'm counting down the hours until then. I feel so good that I don't even feel like drinking. Sweet.

...Leading off and playing centerfield...

"What the ...?", I mouthed silently. "Griffey doesn't lead off!"

Of course, it was NOT Ken Griffey Jr. leading off, but it was Adam Freel, or Joe Bob Freel, or something Freel, like anyone really cares. I couldn't believe that on a night where history could have been made, with one player hitting his 500th home run and another hitting his 400th, that he could not play. If it weren't for the possibility of Thome hitting his 400th career home run, I think I might have left before the first pitch was thrown. To make a long (very long) story short, Big Jim did in fact hit the historic number 400 in his very first at-bat. It landed in centerfield, just a stones (or balls) throw away. At this point, the sports gods conferred and decided that the Philadelphia fans were indeed having too much fun and good fortune, so the heavens opened up and caused a 150 minute rain delay. The game, only 2 1/2 innings old, was still not an official game. Only once before had a historic home run been erased from the record books due to an incomplete game. With this in mind, the umpires and both teams did their best to make sure this game and the historic achievement contained therein did not become a sick and twisted memory in the minds of Philly sports fans. Once the 5th inning was complete, the game became official according to MLB rules, and so it was... Jim Thome had smacked his 400th career homerun, and now the Phils could concentrate on winning the game. After a couple more rain delays, the game was finally called at 2:06 AM, and the Phillies were declared 10-7 winners over the Reds. As I followed the remaining 200 or so happy and mostly drunk fans out of the ballpark, the rains started to come down even harder, impossible as that may seem. So I shuffled my way ever so slowly down Pattison Ave., and as I did I wondered if my car would still be there. I wondered if it would still contain a radio. Alas, a few minutes later, it appeared. As I got closer, I noticed there were no broken windows or locks. I almost didn't believe it.

I don't know what to write. I'm not really in the writing mood tonight. Just sitting here, listening to the Flyers game, playing some guitar, and obviously typing this.

It is way too late to write much, but I really feel like writing tonight. And this is about as far as I get because I hate everything I can think of writing. So there.

So I had a little too much to drink last night. Oh well. And I went to bed a little too late. So what? And I woke up at 9:00 when my alarm was set for 6:00. Dang.

Hi, I'm drunk. What's your name? ... Anyway, that wasn't funny I reckon. First time using that word for me it is. Nice. So I am getting drunk tonight because I'm fucking depressed. Why am I depressed? Because I went to a mall tonight and there were several "fairly attractive" young women, and most of them were with their boyfriends, which made me feel like a loser who will never have a girlfriend. That, and the fact that I'm starting to talk a lot more with this one girl. The only "minor problem" is that she just got married. Before she got married, I'm not sure we talked much at all. Oh well, someday I will meet someone. Dammit I am not settling for just anyone. I want someone my friends all want to bang. heh, sorry. Farewell and goodnight...